Dear Daughters... Here's to Strong Women

(I wrote this 6 years ago in 2017, and it was originally posted on an old blog I had as part of a “letters to my daughters” series - which I loved writing at the time and need to pick back up. When I saw today was International Women’s Day, I thought it was worth a reshare, with a few small edits and updated pics.)

My Dear Girls,

Today was International Women’s Day, as I learned from Instagram, and I was inspired to share with you some thoughts about actions and attitudes I hope you have as strong women:

1. Realize that femininity – embracing your God-gifted characteristics and roles – doesn’t undermine your strength, but rather adds to it. You were made in the image of our Creator, with unique differences from men that will allow each of us to accomplish unique purposes in this world, for His glory.

2. Live weak, recognizing and relying on your need for a Savior’s strength. You don’t have to fear or hide your shortcomings nor imperfections, knowing that your weaknesses are an opportunity for Jesus’ power to be made perfect in and through you. Rest in the Truth that you are enough and are fully loved, just as you are, even as you are being ever changed to become more like Him.

3. Appreciate and be confident in your bodies, choosing to focus on their capabilities over the flaws. Just the mere fact we were made to birth babies – without drugs if chosen – and sustain their lives is an amazing testament to our physical and emotional strength and endurance! I’d put the strongest men in the world up to childbirth any day! 😉 Beyond that, know that you can run hard and fast, be aggressive on the court and field, dance with beauty and grace, or whatever you put your mind to do. Let the phrase “just a girl” motivate you, rather than slow you down!

4. Prioritize self-care. You are mind, body, and spirit, and to care for yourself well involves not neglecting any of these areas. Believe in the power of exercise to refresh, build, and reveal your strength. Find an exercise/sport you enjoy, and prioritize it as a healthy life habit. (You both amaze me with your soccer, running, basketball, and gymnastics skills and effort!) Understand a healthy relationship with food is a main way to sustain your strength. Strive to eat real, healthy foods when you’re hungry, but also understand that moderation is ok! Know that stress, and it’s negative effects on your mind and body, are real, and make time to unplug and relax, doing things just for yourself. Make rest and Sabbath a priority.

5. Cultivate and appreciate authentic friendships with other strong women, through which you’ll find and give strength, acceptance, affirmation, and community… and sometimes laugh with ’til you cry/pee – depending on your age! 🙂 Your girlfriends will be among your fiercest cheerleaders and prayer warriors for your entire life. Search for friends who are kind, loyal, selfless, and low-maintenance. Steer clear of unkind girls, who build themselves up by putting down or excluding others. Be kind to all, and show grace freely - but learn from experience who you want to pursue closer friendships with versus who to keep at arm’s length. And most of all, remember to BE a true, encouraging friend yourself.

6. Understand you don’t need a man to complete or affirm your worth, and wait for one who isn’t intimidated by your strength, intelligence, or dreams but rather values those qualities over your appearance. 

7. Don’t look to society, the government, or any other earthly authority to determine nor validate your worth or strength as a woman, but search for the Truth revealed in God’s living and active Word, the Bible. Study and find ultimate affirmation in Jesus’ completely counter-cultural interactions with and treatment of women.

8. “Work hard, play hard, and leave the rest to God.” (Florence Griffith Joyner, Olympic track champion). Dream big, and know that, while you can do everything, you can’t do it all at once. Prioritize your dreams in careful, prayerful consideration of your life seasons and responsibilities, with your family at the forefront. The biggest lie to 21st century American women is that we can do it all, and do it well; don’t buy it.

9. Don’t be intimidated by other strong, successful women, but celebrate their successes with them, resting in the knowledge that we all shine in our own ways and at our own times. Be an encourager and the first to cheer others on!

10. Know when to speak up, and when to remain silent. Have meaningful conversations, and walk away from gossip. “Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

Remember that, even when you may not  feel like it, you ARE strong and beautiful. Because your mama said so. And because you come from a long line of strong women who realized and embraced that the source of their strength comes not from within but from Jesus.

Here’s to Strong Women,

Mama

Burnt Clay in the Hands of the Potter

Yesterday afternoon, the girls and I made some clay earrings for Valentine’s gifts, and it was lots of fun! But what these happy pictures don’t show is that the first pan burned in the oven, and we had to start over. 😩 Scorched jewelry was NOT in my plans, and I was definitely frustrated at first. But the girls had a great attitude about it… and I realized it was actually somewhat of a gift to be able to share an experience together to reframe failure as learning, give ourselves grace instead of expecting perfection, and try again when something didn’t work the first time. I talk about growth mindset all the time, and these are the life lessons I hope they’ll remember and take with them into future situations way more important than crafting.

As I spent time working on the second batch of clay, my mind was flooded with the metaphor of God as our potter, and us the clay in His hands. “But now, O Lord, you are our Father; we are the clay, and you are our potter; we are all the work of your hand.” (Isaiah 64:8) How often do things in our lives “burn” in a metaphorical - or sometimes even literal - sense, and it’s hard for us to believe in the moment that any good could ever come of it. And yet, that’s exactly what God, as our Potter, does with the “broken” fragments of our lives. He pieces them together into a beautiful mosaic, often in ways we’d never imagine on our own. And when we inevitably make a mess of things, He lovingly, patiently puts us back together - more beautiful than before, with deeper knowledge of His presence and goodness, and pieces added to our testimony that allow us to be able to minister to others from a place of empathy.

As I rolled out the clay again and again, often restarting a few times to fix imperfections here and there, I was reminded of the Lord’s ultimate patience with us, as He leads us through the process of sanctification. I’m amazed at how, as He reshapes and uses my failures and mistakes for my good and His glory, nothing is wasted. Unlike how I tossed out the full contents of our burnt batch of clay, God the Potter takes all my sin, my missteps, the suffering that’s par for course in this broken world, and He somehow uses it all, working it all together for GOOD. Its honestly unfathomable, the extent He dearly knows and loves each of His children!

Philippians 1:6 promises “he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.” As long as I live, He’s still working on me! What a relief, because I even get tired of myself sometimes, lol! I think the words of the old children’s song say it best…

“In the mirror of His word

Reflections that I see

Makes me wonder why He never gave up on me

But He loves me as I am and helps me when I pray

Remember He's the potter, I'm the clay

He's still working on me

To make me what I need to be

It took him just a week to make the moon and stars, 

The sun and the earth and Jupiter and Mars

How loving and patient He must be

'Cause He's still workin' on me”

- Joel Hemphill

On this Valentine’s Day and every day, I’m deeply grateful to know, love, and be loved by a God who loved us first, who never tires of us and isn’t done with us yet, and who promises to make beauty out of our ashes.

You are Beautiful… Because God Says So

Do you believe you’re beautiful?

This is a reminder that you’re beautiful just as you are, because God made you that way! The Bible tells us we’re fearfully and wonderfully made, in God’s image, for purposes He planned in advance (Psalm 139; Genesis 1; Ephesians 2)… and that He describes His creation of people as “very good.” Isaiah 64 tells us God is the potter, and we are the clay - “the work of His hands.” The master Creator made YOU as a unique, beautiful work of art. And He doesn’t make junk! 🤍

In our society with its narrow definitions of “beauty”and all the perfectly curated, filtered photos and ads we’re bombarded with daily, it’s so easy for us girls and women to fall into the comparison trap from time to time and feel “not enough” or “too much.” Not pretty enough, thin enough, curvy enough, in shape enough, or... maybe too old, too young, too wrinkly, too fluffy, too lanky, too awkward, too big of a nose 🙋🏻‍♀️😂... just fill-in-the-blank. I’ve been online swimsuit shopping the past few weeks, and it’s been a laughable experience comparing the model pics to try-on reality… the only redeeming part was the free returns! 😆 Amazon swim, we’re officially breaking up. I joke, but body image can be a real struggle sometimes, right?

God’s Word is clear that our beauty comes from within, but I also think the Lord wants us to appreciate, learn to love, and be at peace with our earthly bodies! I believe the enemy knows our self worth and confidence as women is deeply intertwined with our feelings about our bodies and appearance, so he tries hard to target us there. He wants nothing more than to render us useless for the Kingdom, but the good news is that we can FIGHT BACK!

As a way to fight against critical thoughts about our appearance, I want to share 3 things the Lord impressed on me over the past few years to help me practice seeing myself in light of who He says I am:

1. Post scripture on or near your mirror, and repeat it back to the negative thoughts when they creep in. A big reason I created the Truth Time Identity affirmation cards is out of my own experience of needing to do this… and wanting to give my own two girls tools to stand firm in their God-given identity from early ages. My prayer is that the Lord uses them to help equip girls and women with a tangible way to transform our thoughts about who we were created to be in line with the truth of God’s Word! 🤍

2. Smile at yourself when you look in the mirror. 😅 Yes, I know how incredibly silly that sounds, but it really works! To me, it’s a subtle mindset shift that helps me snap out of the negative self talk and instead move toward being grateful for this body the Lord has so graciously given me.

3. Make a list of all the wonderful things your body is able to do, and the features that you actually like about your appearance. Thank the Lord in prayer for these things, and ask for His help in accepting yourself - flaws and all - and growing in the fruit of the Spirit so that your inner beauty radiates His light and love!

I’m definitely a work in progress in this area, but praise God he’s not finished with us yet!

What do you do to practice self love and combat negative self talk? Leave a comment to share... then go smile in the mirror and have an amazing week, beautiful friend! 😘

Start smiling at yourself in the mirror! You may feel a little crazy, but I promise it works!

The Power of the Cross in our Tuesday Mess

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” - Matthew 11:28-30

We had a tough morning before school today... raised tempers and voices, a kid storming out, a slammed and kicked bedroom door... All before half my cup of coffee was gone, and in spite of our best intentions and preparations to have a peaceful morning and leave early because school testing starts today. 😩 

In the quietness of my kitchen after they all were gone, the familiar feelings of shame washed over me. Shame that I yelled at my kids - again - when I’ve been doing better lately, shame over my messy kitchen with counters cluttered after the busy weekend that I still haven’t cleaned off, shame that I didn’t wake up before my kids to get Jesus and coffee in me early to set myself up for success... shame all around. I could’ve chosen to be a barometer of peace, which would’ve undoubtedly calmed my daughter’s reaction, but instead, my angry reaction stoked the flames of hers. After my husband dropped them off, we were texting, and I ended the conversation with “feeling very discouraged.” 

As I moved into my quiet time with the rest of my (now reheated) cup of coffee, the Lord quickly redirected my thoughts and reminded me of the source of those feelings of shame and discouragement - the enemy. I immediately repented of my sinful yelling out of anger and took those feelings of shame straight to the foot of the cross and left them there. I was once again reminded of my desperate need for Jesus, and of my daughter’s. When we mess up, He never tires of offering us mercy and grace. When my kids mess up, try as I may, my patience eventually has its limits… but Jesus never tires of our “junk,” of our repeated failures. His mercies are continually new, every morning, and His faithfulness never ends! 30-something years into my walk with the Lord, I need Jesus every minute of every day, and my daughters do too. If I’ve learned anything in motherhood, it’s that we teach a lot more by example than by word, and I hope my daughters remember their mama definitely didn’t have it all together, but that she lived surrendered to a Savior who does. Motherhood is sanctifying, and it’s such a grace that the Lord lovingly uses our parent-child struggles to point us back to Him, time and time again.

There’s no room for shame in this parenting gig, because as Tony Evans reminds us, “We’re not fighting for victory but FROM victory” - all as a result of the cross!

Jesus is always there with arms wide open, ready to meet you right where you are - not just in your Easter best, but also right in the middle of your Tuesday mess! Come to Him today, invite Him into your mess, lay your failures and weaknesses at His feet, and leave renewed by the transformative power of the cross. 

Bonus pic of the actual state of my kitchen - because in this world of perfectly curated images, there’s always real life behind the scenes… and maybe my bomb-worthy counters will make you feel a little better about your own - likely less messy - Tuesday messes. ;)

Easy Easter Activities for Busy Moms

One of my favorite parts of being a mom is planning and doing fun, crafty holiday activities for my kids, but I also find myself short on time, more often than not. The longer I’m a mom (now 11 years in, crazy as that seems), the more I realize that simple and done is better than complicated and never attempted... because meaningfulness and time together are the end goals, not perfection in the process (because hello, sinful mom and kids) or a Pinterest-worthy product! 

If your Holy Week is a lot like ours, BUSY - with work, school, soccer, dance, and multiple church and family activities taking up most of your time - I’d love to invite you into 5 EASY and fun traditions that we’re doing to celebrate Easter as a family this year.

1) Resurrection Eggs - These plastic eggs (pictured above) come in a set of 12 and are each filled with a symbol related to Jesus’ death and resurrection. It comes with a little booklet explaining each symbol and relating it back to scripture, so these are great for quick, hands-on devotionals at bedtime, meals, or snacktime, or if your kids are older, letting them use the eggs to retell the Easter story! This afternoon, I’m surprising my girls with a Resurrection egg hunt in the yard, and then they’ll take turns explaining what’s in each one over a special snack (some bakery Easter cookies). Amazon and Hobby Lobby sell them, or here’s a tutorial to make your own using stuff you already have around the house.

2) Resurrection Rolls - Made with just 5 ingredients - canned crescent rolls, jumbo marshmallows, butter, sugar, cinnamon, these fun, tasty rolls represent the empty tomb! This is one of my favorite traditions and couldn’t be easier - or yummier! The girls and I normally make them together on Saturday night, and we eat them for Easter breakfast. See recipe/directions here. (*One change I’m making this year is to use the jumbo size crescent rolls - I think this will help the marshmallows not to ooze out like some have done in past years!)

3) Jesus Storybook Bible - If you’ve been around here for long, you know how much I love the Jesus Storybook Bible! We like to read the related storires as a family at Advent and Easter, and now that my girls are older, they take turns reading aloud to us. There are 4 stories related to Jesus’ death and resurrection, starting with “The Servant King” and ends with “God’s Wonderful Surprise.” So, you could read one a day from now until Easter! Here’s a link to their free Lent guide, which also has some coloring pages and fun freebies.

4) Easter Story Snack Mix - I wanted to get the girls to help make something special for a few friends and neighbors, and my friend Julia @carteechaos shared just the perfect thing this morning - a super easy Easter trail mix with a cute free printable by Happy Home Fairy! It has craisins, pretzel sticks, mini marshmallows, etc., and each part represents what Jesus has done for us. My girls have virtual school on Fridays, so we plan to mix up some bags tomorrow morning and deliver them as a Good Friday “happy.”

5) Drip Painted Eggs - Inspired by @mericherryla - See her video tutorial shared in my Instagram stories. If you don’t have droppers, could also just paint them with paintbrushes, q-tips, do splatter paint, etc. Besides being super FUN (I can’t stop watching the video), I thought it was a relatively easy craft that would be fun to keep and display over the years - or give away! She also has tutorials for some beautiful salt dough egg ornaments and embellished clay eggs, if you’re feeling extra crafty this year... ;)

Whether you do some, all, or no special activities with your kids this Easter, I want you to know that you are a GOOD mom! Our activity or good works never has or will define our worth as a mom or a person - only Jesus’ blood on the cross can do that. I’ve definitely done less in past seasons with younger kids and a full time job! I hope you will search for and find some moments to reflect on and talk with your kids this Easter weekend about what the cross means to us and how those 3 days truly change everything. And, if you don’t have a home church and are local to Tuscaloosa, I’d love to extend a personal invitation to join me at Capstone Church for one of our Saturday or Sunday services. Happy Easter celebrating, friends!!

A Life Well Lived: Tribute to My Jan Jan, a True Southern Lady

My grandmother, who we affectionately called “Jan Jan” (her name was Janice), passed away earlier this month, after battling with Parkinson’s and dementia for the past several years. I wrote the following to honor her life, and it was read at her funeral. To know Jan Jan was to love her, but regardless of whether you knew her, I hope you also are in some way inspired by her legacy. May this be a reminder of some much needed perspective that elections and opinions aren’t nearly as important as the world wants us to think… in the end, what matters most is how we love God and live that out in the way we love and serve people.

The Bible says, “Be doers of the Word, and not hearers only” (James 1:22). My Jan Jan was a doer. She lived out her faith in service to others. When we were kids, my cousins and I spent Saturday nights with her and Grandaddy pretty often, and I remember her faithfully reading her huge, worn study Bible and studying her Sunday school lesson, in preparation to teach the next morning. But, her faith didn’t end there. Her entire life was poured out in service to those around her, to her church and community, to share Jesus’ love in many tangible ways.

She was the epitome of a Southern lady... perfect hair, nails, and accessorized outfit… but also a hard worker who didn’t mind getting her hands dirty. Maya Angelou said, “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” Jan Jan treasured her family and made those around her feel special and loved by her kindness, attention, and caring acts of service. She and Grandaddy were high school sweethearts and showed us by example what a devoted Christian marriage looks like for 69 years.

 She made homemaking look effortless and kept a spotless, beautiful home. She truly had the gift of hospitality and used it often - cooking, baking, planning, and decorating to serve and celebrate others in love. Anyone fortunate enough - and there were many - to enter her home received the sincere blessing of being warmly welcomed by her as a gracious hostess. Over the years, she made and gave away countless casseroles and loaves of sourdough bread, lemon poppyseed bread, and her legendary pound cake. I’ll forever remember her cooking.

 When I was a newlywed, I was asking her cooking questions and trying to take notes, and she was laughing trying to think how to explain it, because as we all know, the best Southern cooks don’t go by a recipe. So, she invited me over one summer afternoon for a cooking lesson, and we made a huge vegetable meal for Grandaddy and Jeff that night - fresh creamed corn, fried okra and eggplant, peas, squash casserole, cornbread - the works. She also gifted me a wooden “okra paddle” as she called it, just like her trusty one - the key to her perfect crispy okra. Often, when they came to Tuscaloosa for doctor appointments, she’d load up a cooler of home cooked food and fresh vegetables and bring by our house – she was always thinking of others.

 She and my aunt hosted the most gorgeous, special bridesmaid’s luncheon at her home for me and my bridesmaids the day before my wedding. The flowers and decorations could’ve been featured in Southern Living, and while I don’t remember the actual meal, the dessert - a fancy chocolate cake that she had grated chocolate bars into - was simply unforgettable, along with the way I felt that day.

She was so thoughtful and a wonderful gift giver, but the best gifts she gave were her time and presence. She had a wonderful way of listening and, while she didn’t always have lots of words, wouldn’t hesitate to say what needed to be said in a loving but straightforward way. Some of my best childhood memories were spent at her house - climbing the huge magnolia trees outside, swimming while she brought us popsicles, walking with her on the dirt road behind their house, watching Wheel of Fortune on their small kitchen TV while she cooked or cleaned across the bar, drawing in sketchbooks with the “good” markers she bought for me and kept there, playing dominoes, shucking corn and shelling peas into newspapers on our laps on the back porch, reading next to her in the corner chair under the brass floor lamp - we both shared a love for Reader’s Digest and Guideposts. She sent me a gift subscription to Guideposts every year since college, and it always warms my heart to get it in the mail.

Every week, she took her sister, my great aunt Margene, and “Nannie,” her friend’s mother who was like family, grocery shopping and to “the beauty shop” in Fayette. As a little girl, I spent hours with her there, and the smell of hairspray takes me right back. In true Jan Jan fashion, she opted to go platinum blonde when her auburn hair started graying, and it looked amazing on her. Sometimes she would go to Tuscaloosa to shop or get her nails done, and take me with her - it was such a treat to go to the “big city” with Jan Jan. When I was about five, I loved the gospel singer Cristy Lane and especially her song, “One Day at a Time.” Jan Jan had the cassette tape in her car, and we played it so much, it finally wore out – only a grandmother would play a song on repeat that many times! My brother, cousins, and I had a tradition of spending Christmas night with her and going to the movies the next day, and we’d stay with them in the summer for a week at a time. She always made us pancakes for breakfast, with fresh blueberries from her blueberry bushes. Us grandkids also knew that Jan Jan meant business, and if she threatened to go get a switch off those bushes, we shaped up fast!

There are too many wonderful memories to count with her and Grandaddy at their beach condo, and later house… first with our extended family and cousins, then with our friends as teenagers and young adults - who she and Grandaddy always welcomed like family, and later with my own family and kids. Growing up, one of my favorite memories with her was making and decorating homemade gingerbread men cookies from scratch around Christmas, and she invited Kate over to do this a couple of times when she was little. My girls loved going to Fayette to visit at their house and play with the toys in the back closet that Jan Jan had since we were kids. She loved talking to them and watching them grow up. What a gift that they got to know their great grandparents!

Over the past few years as we’ve watched Jan Jan’s body and mind decline, and especially over the past week, the Lord has brought this old hymn to my mind:

“Precious Lord, take my hand

Lead me on, let me stand

I am tired, I am weak, I am worn

Through the storm, through the night

Lead me on, to the light

Take my hand, precious Lord

Lead me home.”

While I miss her with my whole heart, I am simultaneously filled with joy and relief that she’s now fully healed with a new body and mind, sitting at the feet of Jesus and praising Him for all eternity. She is finally “home,” thanks be to our gracious God!

Making Space to Create: 2020 Renew Challenge

Do you ever feel overwhelmed, stuck, or just short on time to do the things that matter most? From talking with friends, I know I’m not alone in these feelings. So many of us are richly blessed with lives of abundance and opportunity! But, our overscheduled lives filled with noise and distraction can sometimes leave our minds stressed and anxious and our hearts underwhelmed. The start of a brand new year holds so much opportunity for reflection and new intentions!

About five years ago, I started choosing a theme word for the new year in lieu of resolutions. This year’s word is RENEW. I looked up the definitions, which are “resume (an activity) after an interruption” or “re-establish (a relationship).” This is exactly in line with where I feel like the Lord is leading me - to prayerfully examine and set new intentions in each of the relationships of my life - with Him, with my husband and girls, friends, family, and others, and to prune and renew habits and rhythms that are life-giving (vs life-crushing) for myself and our family. I’ve been reading Rebekah Lyons’ book, Rhythms of Renewal, and it’s been so timely as I seek to focus on these things. These are the two verses I’ve chosen to focus on in this new year:

“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”
‭‭Romans‬ ‭12:2‬

“This is what God says, the God who builds a road right through the ocean, who carves a path through pounding waves... ‘Forget about what’s happened; don’t keep going over old history. Be alert, be present. I’m about to do something brand-new. It’s bursting out! Don’t you see it? There it is! I’m making a road through the desert, rivers in the badlands.’” - Isaiah 43, The Message version

One of my big goals for this new year - and new DECADE (I still can’t believe it) - is to create more space to create - art, words, service, quality time. Throughout this month, I’m going to spend the next four weeks focusing on renewal in my habits and rhythms in each of these areas of life. What’s life-giving? What’s life crushing? What changes need to be made? I’m going to spend some time unplugged from social media over the next few weeks to focus on renewing my heart and mind... but I plan to blog weekly to share some of my thoughts and intentions in each of these areas.

I’d love for you to join me for one or all of the weeks! Here’s to renewed hearts and minds that spill over into our schedules, relationships, homes, and passion in 2020!